Deep Hurts

Why they continue to make life miserable years later, and how one can get over them

The memories looked so hazy and yet so clear.  The pain was real, although the incident was years and decades old.  Monisha somehow could not get over the sick feeling in the pit of her stomach that kept coming back every now and then. It was almost twenty-three years now.  She was not even eight then, and a happy lively child.  One day she was playing in their sprawling house with her cousin who much older than her.  In her innocent childlike way she was running around with him, catching him, jostling him.  When they reached a remote corner of their house, he suddenly encircled her.  He put his mouth to her face and tried to kiss her, holding her tight and uncomfortable all the time.

The shock of what was happening to her took a few seconds to register.  For some time she went numb and could not resist.  Finally she gained courage, with all her strength peeled off his hands that were now groping all over her body, and pushed him with as much strength as she could muster.  She knew what he was doing was bad, very bad.  But she did not know what it was. She was scared, and at the same time a bit guilty.  She kept away from him the rest of the day, a thousand thoughts flooding her innocent mind in a haze.  She was desperately waiting for bed time.  She went to bed and was wide awake; pretending to be asleep until her mother came to join her. When her mother came to bed, she could not control her tears, and they came out in a torrent.  Her body shook with her sobs, as her mother, concerned and puzzled, gathered her up in her arms and held her close.

After a long time she could control herself enough to be able to talk to her mother. In one flow the whole episode came out.  She felt relieved for a moment, and was sure that now her mother will protect her.  Imagine her shock the next moment when her mother held her strongly and started admonishing her.  “You are a dirty girl” she hissed “why do you get into situations like this?  Don’t complain unnecessarily.  You are only interested in playing and enjoying yourself.  Aren’t you ashamed of yourself?”  Monisha could not believe her ears.  She had no answers.  This shock was far greater than what she had endured earlier in the day.  When her mother finished scolding her, she quietly turned around and pretended to go to sleep, but she remembers that she cried endlessly until sheer fatigue took her into a disturbed slumber.

The hurt of her mother’s accusations and scolding just would not go away.  Life has not been the same any more.  She could neither relate to her mother, nor to anyone else in the family as she used to do earlier.  She went ahead with life, but more like a zombie.  She excelled in studies, kept up her social interactions, participated in group activities, got absorbed in painting.  But life was just not the same as before.

Monisha had a deep hurt within her.  It had left a permanent scar.  She could not talk to anyone about it, because she loved her mother, and somewhere deep down she had a feeling of guilt whether she herself was responsible for what happened to her.  At the same time she could not shake it off.  Now she was thirty two years old, with an understanding but very busy husband, two lovely little children, a comfortable house ……. and a deep void within her heart.

Deep hurts are due to a sense of denied justice, particularly from those whom we love and trust most.  They cannot be compensated or balanced by other good things happening to us.  Sometimes we ourselves do not know what hurts us most, at times we are caught unawares in our sense of complacency.

It is said that time is the greatest healer.  Unfortunately for deep hurts it is not always true.  The greater the sensitivity of a person, the more the hurt is likely to keep paining.  The closer the relationship with the person who caused the hurt, the more the misery.  At times the hurt may be so bad that the mind pushes it down into the unconscious mind.  But the pain is only buried alive, to surface later, or to just go on hurting from within.

Unresolved deep hurts can result in psycho-somatic illness (aches and pains that have no organic cause – particularly ulcers, neck and back pain, migraines, etc.).  They can also lead to bad interpersonal relations (repeated anger towards children, suspicion against the spouse), sense of denied justice in life in general (“no one cares for me, everyone is happy except me”), long bouts of depression (not wanting to make friends or enjoy oneself), or personality disorders.  Behavioral scientists have identified a state known as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) that can cripple a person emotionally, and become almost permanent if not dealt with and resolved.

Resolving Deep Hurts

• The first step would be an awareness that you have a feeling of deep hurt that is not going away.  Acceptance of your feelings is a vital pre-requisite.
• Talking it over with someone confidential and trustworthy, who will listen with empathy and not pass judgment (and definitely NOT give advice).
• Get a thorough medical check-up done to ensure that there has been no damage to the body due to continued stress.
• List out other good things that have happened in your life, and accept that life has both ups and downs.
• Try to relive the painful incident, preferably with a trusted friend or counsellor, and rationalize why it happened, what were the intentions of the person who hurt you.
• Try and forgive the oppressor, not to condone the bad deed, but to free yourself from any emotional control he may have over you today.
• Get involved in activities that give you pleasure and satisfaction.    Give yourself small rewards and bolster your self esteem.

Remember that you owe it to yourself and your near and dear, to resolve the issues that have been hurting you for a long time.  There will be a significant improvement in your quality of life, and others will also find themselves happier being close to you.

Energy Balancing Tools

Balance your energy, find inner peace, and create healthy boundaries with the Energy Balancing Tools program.

In today’s fast paced, evolving world it’s easy to get knocked off balance, feel stressed and overwhelmed, and take on other people’s energy, emotions and problems. With energy awareness, you can be in the present moment, manage your energy, and easily release what’s not yours.

In this experiential course you will be guided through the following processes:

Centering ~ Finding inner stillness so you can go through your day aware of yourself as a spiritual being, bigger than your thoughts and reactions, and maintain a sense of peace and calm no matter what takes place around you.

Grounding ~ Creating an energy connection between your body and the earth so you can be more present in your body, have an appropriate amount of energy, and easily release emotions, problems and other people’s energy.

Aura Boundaries ~ Being aware of your personal space and owning your aura (the electromagnetic field of energy surrounding your body) so you can create healthy boundaries, keep your energy within your space, and keep other people’s problems and emotions out of your personal space.

Reclaiming Your Energy ~ Easily and quickly calling back all of your energy from people, projects and places so you can be replenished and re-energized during the day.

Energy Cleanse ~ Using a high vibration to energetically cleanse your aura and body, clear your space of foreign energy, and feel refreshed and rejuvenated.The Energy Balancing Tools program includes the 5 sessions listed above plus an introduction and conclusion. It is slighty over an hour long, but you may want to take additional time in between sessions to fully integrate each experience. Implementing these tools and ways of being into your life will support you to feel peaceful, balanced, and in charge of your energy. Give yourself the gift of empowerment!!!!!!

What is meditation?

What is meditation? It is not what this world teaches you. It is not the absence of external sound. It is not a focus on an object. It is not the listening to music, it is not the burning of incense, it is not the idol, it is not a picture. Meditation is you, the incense that you burn and the beautiful sweet smell that is emitted, must teach you to emit that sweetness to the world. But is done when the incense stick is burnt. The smell is not emitted without the burning. Permit yourself to be burnt, knowing that in this burning you emit your sweetness to the world.

The shutting of eyes is not at all essential, unless it points to you that illusion must be blinded to you. Illusion is glamorous, it disguises itself as beauty, yet it is illusion. When you are meditation you blind yourself to all that is illusion. When you are meditation you make yourself deaf to all that which is illusory. When you are meditation you become the idol, you become the picture, you become that energy which to you symbolises divinity.

When you sit in silence that silence is not the absence of noise. That silence is the stilling of the ‘ego’. When every sound that you hear externally means nothing, because the ears are deaf to illusion. When the world around you is bewildered and agitated and means nothing to you because you are blind to illusion.

When you are meditation the flame that you light is your attempt to reach and illuminate your inner core. To let that flame burn so bright that all around will be illuminated. The oil that you put in your small diya has to burn. It must heat and it must evaporate. If the oil is selfish and says, ‘I will not burn, because in this burning I will disappear’, there is no flame. Make yourself the oil that burns, without any thought of your own disappearance. Because you know, that the burning itself is only an illusion. That is meditation.

When you are meditation the flowers that you offer are not mere flowers. They represent that which is in you; Soft and tender, gentle and beautiful, spreading sweetness. And yet the flower knows that ‘in my very beauty lies my death’. The more beautiful the flower, the quicker will someone pluck it and kill it. And the flower is joyous, because it knows that in its death it has spread the sweetness of life to another.

That is meditation!

Puliyodharai(Tamarind Rice) - Tamil Brahmin Style

Puliyodharai(Tamarind Rice) - Tamil Brahmin Style

Ingredients:

1. Rice: As per your need.(To be cooked separately).
2. Tamarind Pulp(thick): 1/2 cup.
3. Turmeric powder/Haldi : 1/4 tsp.
4. Asefoetida /Hing: 1 - 2 pinches.
5. Roasted Peanuts,skinned: 1/4 Cup(Actually 1/2 tastes really good, but i felt it's a bit too much of pea-nutty taste).
6. Bengal gram/Chana Dal: 1 & 1/2 Tbsp.(Dry roasted & coarsely powdered).
7. Black Gram, split & Skinned or Urad Dal: 1 & 1/2 Tbsp.(Dry roasted & coarsely powdered).
8. Dried Red Chillies, Halved: 7 - 8 nos (Dry roasted & coarsely powdered).
9. Coriander Seeds / Dhaniya (Whole): 1 Tbsp(Dry roasted & coarsely powdered).
10. Fenugreek Seeds/Methi: 1/4 Tsp (Dry roasted & coarsely powdered).
11. Dry Coconut: 100 gms(Grated,Roasted & coarsely ground).
12. Cinnamon Sticks/Dalchini: one 1" stick(Dry roasted & coarsely ground).
13. Cloves/Lavang: 4 - 5 nos.(Dry roasted & coarsely ground).
14. Black Sesame seeds/Black Til: 2 tsp(Dry roasted & coarsely ground).
15. White Jaggery: one 2" block(about 50gms, coarsely powdered, use the cleaned variety so you need not worry about cleaning it).
16. Cumin seeds/Jeera: 2 tsp(Dry roasted & coarsely ground).
17. Sesame Oil/Any Oil of your choice: 1/2 Cup(i used Olive).
18. Salt: 2 teaspoon(but it's always better to taste and add if required).

For Seasoning:

1. Mustard Seeds/Rai: 1/4 Tbsp.
2. Black Gram/Urad Dal: 1/2 tsp.
3. Bengal Gram/Chana Dal: 1/2 tsp.
4. Dried Red chillies, Halves: 4 -5 nos.
5. Curry Leaves/Karripatha: 15 - 20 nos.

Method:

• Cook Rice separately as per your need, and set aside to cool, it would taste better if each grain is separate.
• Soak tamarind well in advanced, squeeze out the thick pulp and sieve well.
• Dry Roast & Coarse grind Chana dal,Urad dal,Peanuts,Red chillies,cinnamon stick,cloves,jeera,Black Sesame seeds, together.
• Dry roast & coarse grind Fenugreek seeds,coriander seeds and set aside separately( please remember to use this powder in measured quantity only even a little more of this can turn all of the mixture bitter).
• Heat 2 -3 table spoons of oil,add all the powdered ingredients and allow to fry well until you get aroma.
• Add Hing,Turmeric powder(optional), now add 1 tsp of the powdered fenugreek & coriander powder which was set aside ,then add Salt and add all of the tamarind pulp, allow to cook well to let go off the raw smell of tamarind, add jaggery.
• Cover and simmer in a non - stick pan over low flame for 7-10 minutes,The best way to check if cooked is when the oil shows up on the surface.
• Take a separate pan for seasoning and add all the remaining oil splutter, mustard seeds, dry red chillies,chana dal,urad dal,& Curry leaves, take it off the stove.
• Mix with the tamarind sauce which is cooking & remove from stove.
• Mix with cooked rice as per requirement and you could garnish it with,fried or roasted peanuts.

Serve Hot & Enjoy..;)